The other day I was perusing the posts from my circles on
Google+. I found one that has weighed
heavy on my mind for the last two days, even to the point of waking me up so as
to get my thoughts recorded on the subject.
The identity of the one who posted is irrelevant as are those who
replied to the post because this is a trending attitude of late in our society
as a whole that many of us say we find disturbing yet too few resist the
inclination to participate. These
individuals merely reflect that trend and stirred my desire to respond over
all. The post was about how people edit
themselves when ‘faced’ with responding to another’s posting. The gist of the question was; are there
others out there who debate with themselves on how they answer or respond to a
certain type of post. Are they brutally
forthright with their true feelings or do they edit their response upon reading
a post from someone else in an ‘effort’ at politeness. (*Suggestion – contrary to self belief, you
DO NOT have to respond to a post just because you see it! The person is going to do or not do whatever
it is they want regardless or in spite of your input. So if they don’t place that much relevance in
your opinion you might rethink doing the same.)
Is it not sad that it should be such a hard won effort in the first
place? Now given, this was in reference
apparently to someone who had a habit of posting to the negativity of their
life. Like none of us aren’t familiar
with those peeks and valleys ourselves.
The responder wanted to know if there were others out there who felt
like she did, that she was ‘restraining’ herself from being harsher in her
responses. I looked at all the replies
she in turn got that said they were more than willing to be ‘blunt, honest, true
to their own inclinations…’ One went so
far as to say ‘offense is taken, never given.’
WTF? Really? Believe me, if I’ve a desire to ‘give’
offense the recipient is most definitely aware of it whether they ‘take’ it or
not. I’m sure the quotability looked
good even if the thought was ludicrous and fell far short of completion. Sure, the internet gives us refuge in
delightful anonymity so we often think its ‘ok’ to just give it to ‘em
straight, tell the truth even if it hurts.
May I remind those of you who feel this way that truth is a matter of
perception, not reality. What may be
truth to you may not, in fact, apply to every situation. So this person, the original poster, tends to
run into negativity. Why is it people
think that if they have a single bit of information that the story they create
around it to flesh it out without actual input from those whose life they are fictionalizing
is 100% accurate? Good lord, we never
believe anyone else’s accuracy to be that high but we sure as hell love to
believe we have all the answers all the time!
If that doesn’t scream convenient willful ignorance I don’t know what
does. What also made me respond was that
a good number of these responders were writers.
I learned that the cardinal question we all are required as writers to
ask ourselves constantly is, ‘what if…’
What if this was a person you loved, what if their circumstances won’t
allow them the clarity that others might have in problem solving, what if there
are circumstances affecting the situation that they aren’t disclosing… What if, what if, what if. We don’t have all the answers and we’ve also
stopped asking the right question. Back
to the original poster… We don’t know
what struggles they have had in life; we don’t know what they may have already
overcome. We don’t know the frame of
reference that has brought them to this point in life where they are reaching
out hoping for a care only to be smacked in the face. Who even really knows they were looking for a
response? Perhaps the idea was simply to
vent, to make what they were struggling with a tangible thing so that they are
more able to deal with it. And what if
they were looking for input? Telling
someone to hike up your big girl panties & man up helps how other than to
be condescending and callous. Sure, you
can dump your ‘truth’ out there like a stinking pile of verbal garbage and be
proud, expecting everyone to be impressed as they walk around it trying not to
step on your toes just in case you feel like dumping more but guess what folks,
your opinion is simply that, yours. No
better but often worse than you might think it is if all the effort you put
into it is casting word bombs, expecting people to think because you do you’re ‘special’. Not fucking likely. I am a writer, have been one all my
life. Not because I’m published but
because it is something I’ve always done, like breathing, it’s my art, my
natural form of expression, a wide open window to my thought process if there
are those who care to explore. Even if
they don’t, I’m still going to write even if I sometimes only do it in my
head. I know the importance of
words. I know how they can be healing or
hurting, powerful or cutting, inspirational or damning. All of which is why I don’t throw them about
randomly or without thought often. I’m
fine with often keeping my thoughts to myself; they’re good company and they
tend to mature better that way. What I
also know about words is that they only have the power someone else assigns to
them, that is true, but those who parry with that mighty sword hopes most that
their words are powerful enough to cut deepest so there is responsibility when
you send them out to represent you. Too
sad is that of late words have become a substitute for action and a wall
against empathy. There is a psychological
behavior called leveling in which one elevates them when they feel lesser than
another by putting another down. Some of
you ‘internet truth tellers’ might want to dig a bit deeper into your own psyche
before you pull out the poison pen, or keyboard as it were.
I am a great believer in Karma. I’ve often been told that I am far too kind,
too polite, too caring for my own good.
I don’t think so. I put out what
I want back. I treat others as I want to
be treated. I know the stones I cast
into the waters of life create waves that affect me as well as the others
around me whom I love. Am I perfect, God
no. I have my moods and there are the
trolls who deserve my wrath but it’s vented on those who are blatant
idiots. Not those who are
vulnerable. And yes, I have known more
than my fair share of whiners who couldn’t find a positive grain if a beach of
it were set before them but my response to that type is to simply remove them
from my life and my concern. Nothing I
could say, good or bad, will ever impact them.
They’re bottomless wells and it’s not my job to fill them up but just
the same, I’m not insensitive towards them.
I have compassion, empathy and sympathy for them but also know where my
boundaries extend and where they do not.
Even if I don’t personally care for them I have my own set of
humanitarian mores that I have to answer to and those say I will not go out of
my way to be unkind simply because I have the ability to do so. There is a time, place and audience for
rapier wit and that’s generally not served flaming someone’s personal
page. I’m writing this in an attempt to
remind some of you out there, you’re better than the internet can influence you
to be. You create your interactions here
but karma will find you in your personal life as well. Example: When you child cries to you of being
bullied remember that the bullies learned their intolerance from an intolerant
and uncaring parent. I’m not a
tremendously religious person, more a spiritual explorer but the phrase, ‘but
by grace go I’, has a big influence on my thoughts and how I interact with
others. There are places where cutting
wit is encouraged and welcome but what point is it to take aim at a target that
has no defense or doesn’t even know they’re a target. Wit is a controlled substance, it is ‘verbose
genius’ best served to those who appreciate the effort, it’s not hurtful or
meant for general audiences. I started
this with a quote I just recently found, it was timely and telling. One, which perhaps, more should be taking to
heart.
